The Self-Help Theory

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The Self-Help Theory is based off of a concept created and developed by Tyler Burch, an aspiring author and researcher, that states the self-help industry is based on 5-categories. The theory is if someone works on small change in each category, they can change their life exponentially.

But to really dive into the nitty gritty of what the industry makes billions ($14.3 billion in the US and $48.1 billion worldwide) off of us you’ll see that they are all saying the same basic messages in different voices, monologues, dialogues, personal stories, etc. 

It’s kind of like how the story of Cinderella gets retold in many different versions (Cinderella Story being the obvious best).  

With an estimated 15,000 books published each year in the US, it’s easy for things to get lost in the sauce or to feel overwhelmed with all the potential journeys to take. So many new phrases and ways of living are being thrown at you.

Especially when that TikTok algorithm grabs ahold of you. I’ve seen things said like you need to drink ginger and lemon shots every morning (ew gross). And body scraping (never tried it). Gua sha (10/10 recommend). Also, what exactly is astral projection and do I need to bring snacks?

The 5-Categories of The Self-Help Theory

The categories are based throughout the types of resources that are presented throughout the books, podcasts, Ted Talks, etc. They vary and even intertwine within each other. And some of the activities that are presented in the resources cover multiple areas.

These include:

• Holistic Balance

• Do the Work

• Presence

• Inner Self

• The 3 C’s

Let’s dive deeper into detail on what each one means

Holistic Balance

What is holistic health?

Holistic health is an approach to healthcare that focuses on treating the whole person rather than just the symptoms of a particular condition. It emphasizes the interconnectedness of the body, mind, and spirit, and recognizes the importance of addressing all aspects of a person's life in order to promote optimal health and well-being.

Holistic health practitioners may use a range of therapies and techniques to support their patients' overall health, including nutrition, exercise, stress management, meditation, acupuncture, massage, and other complementary and alternative therapies. They may also work with patients to identify and address underlying emotional, psychological, and spiritual issues that may be contributing to physical health problems.

The goal of holistic health is to help individuals achieve a state of balance and harmony within themselves, and to support them in living a healthy and fulfilling life. This approach is increasingly popular as people look for more natural, holistic ways to support their health and well-being, rather than relying solely on conventional medical treatments.

What are the 3 components of holistic balance?

1. Physical health: This refers to the body's overall physical well-being, which includes aspects such as nutrition, exercise, sleep, and physical activity. Physical health is essential for maintaining overall health and preventing illnesses.

2. Mental and emotional health: This includes the state of an individual's mind and emotions, which can greatly impact their overall well-being. It encompasses mental and emotional states such as happiness, contentment, stress, anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions.

3. Spiritual health: This component refers to an individual's spiritual well-being and their sense of purpose, meaning, and connection to something greater than themselves. It may involve beliefs, practices, and experiences that provide a sense of fulfillment and inner peace.

In order to achieve holistic balance, it is important to address and balance all three components of physical, mental and emotional, and spiritual health. This can be achieved through various means such as regular exercise, healthy eating, stress management, meditation or other relaxation techniques, and exploring one's spirituality or belief system.

Creating a holistic lifestyle can be a powerful way to improve overall well-being, increase resilience to stress, and cultivate a sense of balance and fulfillment in life.

Living a holistic lifestyle can be a transformative experience that supports physical health, emotional and mental well-being, and spiritual growth, and allows individuals to lead a more purposeful and fulfilling life.

Do the Work

This is where you’ll find those really annoying Pinterest posts about “getting your life together using this spreadsheet” or “journaling everyday really changed my life and here’s how it can change yours”. Over it too? 

Well not to sound JUST like them, but they aren’t totally wrong. It’s not about what spreadsheet or bullet journal technique you use, it’s about accountability and consistency. It’s about doing whatever it takes to keep you going when there’s no motivation. But we’ll get on that later. 

So what do I mean when I say Do The Work? Simple enough you have to do the work. Most of what these authors, podcasters, whatever it is you read or listen to, you have to physically do the work. If they say “here’s a guided meditation,” do the work. If they say “I’ve given you some prompts to try out for your next journaling session,” do the work. Even if they say, “here’s your homework” (ew), do the work. 

When I mean do the work, I mean you can’t expect to heal or grow if you aren’t actually in the trenches of your self-healing journey. You can listen to all the podcasts and how to’s or read all of the books in the industry, but nothing will ever change unless you are actively making the changes presented to you. 

Now there are resources in this field whose sole purpose is teaching you HOW TO DO THE WORK, but really all the resources have an element of work that needs to be done. 

Components of Do the Work:

Embarking on a self-healing journey requires dedicated effort and a commitment to personal growth. It involves actively engaging in the process of healing and transformation. Four key components of doing the work in a self-healing journey are goals, consistency, accountability, and practice.

Setting goals provides a roadmap for your self-healing journey. Clearly defining what you want to achieve and the areas you want to address helps you stay focused and motivated. Goals serve as guideposts, giving you direction and purpose as you navigate through the healing process.

Consistency is vital in a self-healing journey. It involves committing to regular and persistent effort in your healing practices. Consistency builds momentum and allows for deeper integration of healing strategies into your daily life. By consistently dedicating time and energy to your healing journey, you create a solid foundation for lasting transformation.

Accountability plays a crucial role in self-healing. Being accountable means taking ownership of your actions, choices, and progress. Establishing accountability mechanisms, such as working with a therapist, joining support groups, or having an accountability partner, helps you stay committed and motivated. It provides a space for reflection, feedback, and support, empowering you to overcome challenges and maintain momentum.

Practice is the active application of healing techniques and strategies. It involves engaging in specific exercises, rituals, or therapies that support your healing journey. Regular practice allows you to cultivate new habits, develop self-awareness, and build resilience. Whether it's mindfulness, journaling, therapy sessions, or other healing modalities, consistent practice strengthens your capacity for self-reflection, healing, and growth.

In combination, goals, consistency, accountability, and practice create a powerful framework for doing the work in a self-healing journey. They provide structure, motivation, support, and active engagement in your healing process. Remember, self-healing is a journey, and it requires effort and commitment. By embracing these components, you empower yourself to embark on a transformative path toward wholeness, well-being, and self-discovery.

Presence

Presence can refer to being present in any moment, self-awareness, flow, purpose, values, and authenticity.  Everything you can be all at once and presenting to others. 

This is where a lot of self-help techniques and mediums stem their research and resources. Helping guide us to become one with ourselves and/or every moment of our life.

For me, this authenticity is still growing. I’m still trying to step into my power every moment of every day. 

As Gabby Bernstein says, “your presence is your power”

Learning how to look through life through your purpose, values, and being present can be really difficult. Not only are there societal pressures to be someone we’re not, it’s hard to overcome our own expectations of who we think we should be. 

Components of Presence:

• Self-Awareness

• Being present in the moment

• Authenticity

• Flow

• Purpose

1. Values/Beliefs

Why is being in the moment so important?

Being in the moment, or being present, is important for several reasons. Firstly, it helps individuals to fully experience and appreciate their surroundings, enhancing their overall enjoyment and satisfaction with life. Secondly, it can reduce stress and anxiety by allowing individuals to focus on the present moment, rather than worrying about the future or dwelling on the past. Being present can also improve the quality of interpersonal relationships by facilitating better communication and empathy. Additionally, being in the moment can increase productivity and creativity, as individuals are better able to concentrate and generate new ideas when they are fully engaged in the task at hand. Overall, being in the moment is important for living a fulfilling and meaningful life, and can contribute to improved mental and emotional well-being.

What is authenticity?

Authenticity refers to the quality of being genuine, honest, and true to oneself. It involves being aware of one's own thoughts, emotions, and values, and expressing them honestly and openly to others. Authenticity also involves a willingness to be vulnerable and share one's true self with others, without fear of judgment or rejection. Authenticity is often seen as a key component of healthy relationships, as it allows individuals to connect with others on a deeper level and build trust and mutual respect. When individuals are authentic, they are more likely to feel a sense of purpose and meaning in their lives, as they are living in accordance with their true selves and values.

What is flow?

Flow, also known as being "in the zone," refers to a state of complete immersion and focus in an activity. It is characterized by a deep sense of enjoyment, effortless concentration, and a loss of self-consciousness. When in flow, individuals experience a heightened sense of engagement, where their skills and the challenges of the activity are in perfect balance. Flow can be found by setting goals, having an even amount of challenge and skill, and losing consciousness in the activity to the point of complete concentration.

Overall, presence is about learning where your power lies. It’s about bringing your full attention and awareness to the forefront of every moment. Not only that, but learning to accept your authenticity (help from the next category!), and trying to find flow in the things we love.

Inner Self

The category is Inner Self. This is where you dive deep into finding out why you are the way you are and learn to accept it. But not only in a self-acceptance type of way, let me love even the worst parts of myself. Let me venture into the deepest aspects of why I am the way I am and how I go about untwining that ball of mess. 

This category is where you will find those pushing for inner child and/or shadow work. And yes, there is a difference! Not only will we touch on those, I also want to touch on reparenting and why it’s so important in areas of our life. 

Also, I call this my “self-” category where any time you see the “self-” you will see resources geared towards what your inner self wants, needs, or desires. Even sabotages. Hello ego, thank you for joining the party. 

Now, I’m not here to point at you and say “hey, go fix your inner child,” because i don’t have a degree in psychology, but I will guide you to the resources that can help you get to the point in which your inner child is an active member of your life. 

The inner self, also known as the true self or the authentic self, refers to a person's deepest sense of identity and being. It is the part of oneself that is often hidden or suppressed, but that contains one's true desires, values, and beliefs.

The inner self can be contrasted with the outer self, which is the persona or public image that an individual presents to the world. While the outer self is shaped by social norms, expectations, and external influences, the inner self is thought to be more innate and reflective of an individual's core identity.

Many spiritual and philosophical traditions emphasize the importance of connecting with and cultivating the inner self, as a means of achieving greater self-awareness, personal growth, and fulfillment. Practices such as meditation, introspection, and mindfulness can help individuals access and explore their inner selves, and develop a deeper understanding of their true nature and purpose.

Components of Inner Self

• Shadow Work

• Ego Work

• Inner child

  • Reparenting

• “Self-”

What is shadow work?

Shadow work is a term used to describe the process of exploring and understanding the unconscious aspects of oneself that are often considered negative, repressed, or suppressed. These aspects of ourselves may include our fears, insecurities, anxieties, and past traumas that we may not be aware of or don't want to confront.

The term "shadow" was originally coined by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, who believed that every individual has a shadow side or a "dark" aspect of the psyche that needs to be integrated for a person to achieve psychological wholeness.

Shadow work involves confronting and working through these unconscious aspects of ourselves by examining our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors with honesty and self-reflection. By bringing these aspects of ourselves to light, we can gain a deeper understanding of ourselves, overcome our limiting beliefs and patterns, and achieve greater self-acceptance and personal growth.

Shadow work can be a challenging and difficult process, but it can also be very rewarding and transformative. It is often done through therapy, journaling, meditation, or other self-reflective practices.

What is ego work?

Ego work, also known as ego development, refers to the process of understanding and working with one's ego in order to achieve personal growth and self-awareness. The ego is the conscious part of our psyche that is responsible for our sense of identity, self-esteem, and self-preservation.

Ego work involves examining our thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors to identify how our ego is influencing our perceptions and actions. This can include examining our biases, insecurities, and patterns of thought and behavior that may be limiting our personal growth.

The goal of ego work is to develop a more mature and integrated ego, one that is more resilient, flexible, and able to adapt to changing circumstances. This can involve learning to balance our own needs with the needs of others, developing a greater sense of empathy and compassion, and recognizing our own limitations and strengths.

Ego work can be done through various practices such as mindfulness, self-reflection, therapy, and meditation. By working with our ego in a constructive and mindful way, we can achieve greater self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and personal growth.

What is inner child work?

Inner child work is a therapeutic approach that focuses on healing and nurturing the wounded inner child within an individual. It recognizes that unresolved childhood experiences, traumas, and emotional needs can continue to impact a person's emotions, beliefs, and behaviors in adulthood.

The concept of the inner child refers to the part of oneself that retains the memories, emotions, and vulnerabilities from childhood. Inner child work aims to reconnect with and address the needs of the inner child, providing them with the care, understanding, and healing that may have been missing during their formative years.

Inner child work typically involves various techniques and exercises, including visualization, journaling, dialogue, and guided imagery. These practices allow individuals to explore their inner child, acknowledge their past experiences, and work towards healing and integration.

What is reparenting?

Reparenting is a therapeutic approach that involves identifying and addressing unmet emotional needs from childhood by providing oneself with the nurturing and support that was lacking in childhood. The concept of reparenting is based on the idea that unresolved childhood issues and trauma can impact one's emotional and behavioral patterns in adulthood.

Through reparenting, individuals can learn to provide themselves with the care, comfort, and validation that they did not receive as children. This can involve techniques such as self-soothing, self-compassion, and inner child work, which can help individuals heal emotional wounds and develop a more positive and nurturing relationship with themselves.

The 3 C’s

This category is what I like to call The 3 C’s. The C’s stand for Communication, Connection, and Community. It’s a scientific fact that we are all looking for connection and a community as a human race. This has been the bare minimum of how our race even began to flourish. 
Our ability to communicate created our social need for community and connection. Even before our ability to communicate we were creating connections (making babies) and creating communities (villages to raise said babies). It’s our connections and communities that shape us as humans and continue to shape how we live our lives. 

You know that expression, “you become what you eat,” well the same goes for the people you hang around. If you want to excel in your profession, surround yourself with those who have similar goals. If you want to create a family based on values, find those who value the same things as you. This is, at our core, what we aim to do as a species. 

Now you may be asking yourself why communication belongs here. Well from my research I found that communication seems to be the base of what creates this connection and community. You can’t have a connection without communicating vulnerabilities. It’s hard to create a community without communicating your connections. This is the medium in which you connect with others to create a community. 

The 3 C’s are all interconnected and rely on each other to give us a sense of peace with those around us and maybe even within ourselves. 

Components of the 3 C’s:

• Communication

• Connection

• Community

Why is communication important?

Communication is important because it allows individuals and groups to exchange information, ideas, and emotions. Effective communication can help build strong relationships, foster understanding and cooperation, solve problems, and achieve common goals. It is a vital part of everyday life and is essential for personal and professional success.

Why is connection important?

Connection is important because it allows us to build meaningful relationships, foster a sense of belonging, and promote emotional well-being. Studies have shown that people who feel connected to others are happier, healthier, and live longer, while those who lack social connections may experience feelings of loneliness, isolation, and depression. Additionally, connection can enhance communication, teamwork, and collaboration, which are essential for success in many areas of life.

Connecting with others has many benefits, including the ability to form meaningful relationships, gain new perspectives, receive emotional support, and collaborate on projects or goals. Additionally, research has shown that social connection can improve overall physical and mental health.

Why is community important?

Community refers to a group of people who share common interests, values, or goals and live in the same area or have a sense of belonging to the same social unit.

Community is important because it provides a sense of belonging, support, and connection with others who share similar interests, values, and experiences. Being part of a community can also promote personal growth, socialization, and the exchange of ideas and resources.