Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown
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Brene Brown's has a belief in humans that grew with her as she grew into an adult. This assumption and theory about people has driven her entire life’s work to researching psychology of emotions.
After reading Daring Greatly and The Gifts of Imperfection, I fell in love with Brene Brown’s research. I have always been interested in emotional intelligence (a theory based on awareness of self and others by Daniel Goleman) and how to analyze how we process and project emotions.
When reading Atlas of the Heart it’s genuinely hard NOT to feel attacked. It’s not her fault some of us weren’t raised to recognize emotions and to be able to grow from what we learn, especially emotionally. However, it didn’t take away from what I was reading.
Brown’s research can be simply put as intense, BUT when you slow down and really dive deep into each chapter as its own, it doesn’t feel as scary.
Here’s a favorite quote:
Emotions we find as ‘simple’ or easily recognizable as they turn up are discussed in a deeper, more meaningful manner. For example, the emotion anger seems to present itself in a way we understand. Per previous research, experts believe that anger is a primary emotion as it is primal and almost everyone can recognize it (along with happiness and sadness). However, this emotion can be the ‘indicator’ emotion for fear, jealousy, grief, shame, and so much more.
The presentation of the book allows for the reader to visually see situations and examples through charts, illustrations, and quotes.
10 Lessons to Take Away:
Expectations and disappointment go hand-and-hand
Per the chapter “Places We Go When Things Don’t Go as Planned.” She describes disappointment as “unmet expectations.” Now, although disappointment is an easily recognizable emotion (as she dives deeper in her other book Rising Strong if you want more information), it’s where this disappointment stems from that we can learn how to expect the best. The previous situation is actually mutually conflicting. As she points out, we have ‘stealth’ expectations and examined and expressed expectations. ‘Stealth’ expectations refers to what we plan on happening, down to the taste, feel, and smell of it. However, these expectations stay in our minds, causing us to be disappointed, when the event or individual doesn't live up to them.
Self-destruction is real
From my eating habits to my interpersonal relationships with others. Always planning but not practicing my values and expectations of myself. I came to realize, I LIVE by my expectations of what I think it should be (or want to be) rather than living in the moment of what it is.
Understanding how to use cognitive dissonance to your advantage
Cognitive dissonance was created by Leon Festinger in the 1950s through the research of a cult. Yes, a cult. The premise of cognitive dissonance is that when we are confronted with contradicting information that oppositions our current beliefs it can cause discomfort. The contradicting ideas cause our brain to be like “hold up, wait a minute, what’s going on” and we’re thrown into a ‘state of tension.’ So, what can we do with this information? Per Adam Grant’s advice in Think Again, we can use this process to “rethink and unlearn” the habits and mental processes we have gained over our lifetimes.
“True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself…”
Her perfectly sculpted definition of belonging is as follows: “True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are” (p.157)
Shame
It’s not talked about enough, but it’s an emotion that runs deep through our being especially when life takes a crazy turn or when we have no control over it. As most, if not all, of her research through a basis of shame, it’s safe to say that her work on shame is within a book full of emotions for vulnerability.
Schadenfreude & Freudenfreude
German’s have a word for many phrases we Americans’ have, these two are relatable in emotions. She stems her work throughout this book as a dedication to the fact our emotions need word to them, so what better way than to reach other cultures who may have the exact words. Schadenfreude is the “pleasure or joy derived from someone else’s suffering or misfortune” (pg. 33). While freudenfreude is the “enjoyment in another’s success” (p. 36).
Confusion leads us to learning
I enjoyed her explanation on confusion as one of my character strengths is curiosity and she directly connects confusion with curiosity for learning. As it’s considered an ‘epistemic emotion’ which means that it’s crucial to obtaining knowledge and the wanting to learn. And she goes into curiosity and interest right after!
Self-trust may be more important than trust
As this is more of a “cognitive assessment” than it is an emotion. Self-trust is “the first casualty of failure or mistakes,” meaning we lose the trust we have within ourselves when we get hurt or feel shame. This correlates directly to our self-worth. Gaining a sense of self-trust is one of the most important things you can do for yourself and your acceptance of others. Trust allows for what Brown says allows for BRAVING: boundaries, reliability, accountability, vault, integrity, non-judgment, and generosity.
Attitude of Gratitude
Must like many skills, if we don’t use it, we lose it. And it takes plenty of practice. To create this gratitude, try to build a daily habit of stating gratitude. A simply way to do this, is by using a gratitude journal. According to Brown, gratitude is “deep appreciation for what we value, what brings meaning to our lives, and what makes us feel connected to ourselves and others” (p. 211).
What emotions can look and feel like
Think of this book as an encyclopedia for your everyday emotions. Use it as a reference when you’re not too sure how you are feeling. Leave it on your coffee table as a conversation piece. If you’re here, you may need guidance to your feelings, use this as a way to better put words to your deep emotions.
Other Notable Emotions
Most of Brene Brown’s work is in human connection, belonging, and shame. This book doesn’t dive as much into them as her others, but I definitely believe that was on purpose. Hear me out. Over the course of 3 years Brown and her team took to break down each emotion out of 150, they widdled their research down to 88 for the book. Some notable emotions that’ll help with your self-growth journey include:
Comparison
Resentment
Disappointment
Confusion
Nostalgia
Grief
I loved the breakdown of this emotion and would love to look more into this. The research is wide, but there are some updates to the research.
Compassion
Self-compassion
Love
Insecurity
Pride, hubris, and humility - together respectively!
When I first began reading, I was worried I wouldn’t be able to finish. It’s not her writing, nor the presentation of the information as those were great, but the amount of times I knew I would FEEL attacked.
From this book, I learned what emotions can look like, feel like, and even project as. It was given to me at a perfect time in my life (thank you bestie!) where I knew I needed to be more aware of how to feel rather than analyzing my feelings at the moment (like a true researcher). It gave me more words to describe my moods or feelings.
It took me 6 weeks to fully finish this book as I wanted to focus on the emotions I was reading that day.
Only complaint is I was more. Which is greedy, I know. I highly suggest reading slowly. Take your time to really appreciate each chapter and emotion described as its own.
In addition, HBO Max was graced with Brene Brown’s presence on a stage discussion some of the bigger emotions in this book. Definitely check it out!
If interested in more on Brene Brown’s research, I suggest The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly!
