Ep 11: Habit Resilience

Let’s dive into the term “resilience.” I read an article once all about how one can live resiliently without even realizing that’s a trait. 

I’ve been told I possess such traits, and many of us do whether it’s been learned or in our DNA.

According to Google, the definition of resilience is “the capability to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.”

Well, that pretty much sums that up. Need I go on?

You’re tough. You know how to get up when your back is to the wall. 

You continue trucking along with your daily activities though you feel as though they’ll never change.

This is what resilience  is. Do you possess it? Great, you’re a step ahead than most. Some people allow for the weight of life to keep them down. Such as quitting smoking because it’s just “too hard.” Or no growth being gained since you weren’t taught any different. 

But here’s the thing, we can all do it. We just have to have a conscious mind that partakes mindfully in our daily habits. 

So, habit resilience can be looked at as the “capability to recover good habits after failures or difficulties.” As much as I loathe the word failure, I feel as though people who don’t have great resilience see a small setback as a failure rather than a moment in time the expectation wasn’t met. That is NOT habit resilience.

And just like Mark Manson says in The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck - 148 - “Just as one must suffer physical pain to build stronger bone and muscle, one must suffer emotional pain to develop greater emotional resilience, a stronger sense of self, increased compassion, and a generally happier life.”

The ability to bounce back to good habits, even after a day of “failure,” is what habit resilience is all about. Just because one day you did terrible, doesn’t mean you have to tomorrow. 

Habit resilience refers to the ability to bounce back from disruptions, setbacks, or challenges in maintaining positive habits. Building habits is often a challenging process, and life is full of unexpected events that can derail even the most well-established routines. Habit resilience involves developing the mental and emotional strength to overcome obstacles and continue with your desired habits despite difficulties.

Key components of habit resilience include:

• Adaptability: Being able to adapt your habits to changing circumstances is crucial for resilience. Life is dynamic, and what works in one situation may need adjustments in another.

• Mindset: Cultivating a resilient mindset involves viewing setbacks as opportunities for learning and growth rather than insurmountable obstacles. This positive mindset can help you stay motivated and focused on your long-term goals.

• Self-Compassion: Recognizing that everyone faces challenges and setbacks is important for maintaining resilience. Being kind to yourself and understanding that it's okay to falter occasionally can prevent negative self-talk and encourage perseverance.

• Problem-Solving Skills: Developing the ability to analyze challenges and find practical solutions is a key aspect of habit resilience. Instead of viewing obstacles as roadblocks, resilient individuals see them as problems to be solved.

• Consistency in Core Values: Resilient individuals often have a strong sense of their core values. This foundation helps them stay committed to their habits even when facing difficulties, as they see these habits as aligned with their fundamental beliefs.

• Social Support: Having a supportive network of friends, family, or mentors can significantly contribute to habit resilience. Sharing your goals and challenges with others can provide encouragement and accountability.

• Reflection and Learning: Resilient individuals reflect on their experiences, learn from their mistakes, and continuously refine their approach to habits. This adaptive learning process enhances their ability to navigate challenges successfully.

Ultimately, habit resilience is about building habits that are robust and can withstand the inevitable disruptions of life. It's not about achieving perfection but rather about developing the ability to recover and persist in the pursuit of your goals despite setbacks.

The 3 R’s of Habit Building - Recognize, Reflect, and Refine

Outside of what is said above, the reasoning behind the occurrence of these habits is just as important. If you never break that emotional attachment to the habit, such as anxiety with smoking cigarettes, then you’re less likely to break the bad habit loop. 

Finding other ways to cope with your emotions can be beneficial as well. Such as, instead of reaching for that delicious looking donut, turn on your favorite dance song and get some movement going in your body. 

According to Harvard University, dopamine (the brain chemical that is known for playing a part in our pleasure) can also play a role in motivating our behaviors. So, if you begin your day with the dopamine hits of that social media, your mind will continue to want that reward of pleasure, thus making your day turn into an 8 hour TikTok scroll.  

The 3-R’s: Recognize, Reflect, Refine – A Habit-Building Exercise for Self-Healing

This exercise is designed to help you consciously phase out bad habits and replace them with healthier ones by breaking emotional attachments and becoming more intentional with your actions. It will also help you overcome cognitive dissonance—where your actions don’t align with your beliefs and goals—so you can build sustainable, positive habits.

Step 1: Recognize

The first step toward change is recognizing your habits. You must become aware of which habits are serving you negatively and identify the emotional, environmental, or situational cues that trigger them.

Why it Matters:
Many of our bad habits are tied to deeper emotions—like smoking cigarettes to cope with anxiety, or reaching for social media as a way to avoid difficult tasks. If you don’t break the emotional attachment behind these habits, you will continue repeating them. This is why the act of recognition is so important—it allows you to take the first step toward conscious change.

How to Recognize:

1. Observe your habits in the moment. When you find yourself reaching for an unhealthy choice (e.g., your phone or a snack), pause and take note of what you are doing.

2. Identify the triggers. Is it boredom, stress, fatigue, or something else driving your action?

3. Write it down. Use a habit tracker to record what habits occur, what time of day they happen, and what emotion or cue triggered them.

Example:
You realize you scroll through TikTok every morning for 30 minutes instead of working out. Trigger: Looking at your phone first thing in the morning gives you a dopamine hit, making it hard to switch to productive activities.

Step 2: Reflect

Once you’ve recognized your habits, the next step is to reflect. This involves looking deeply into the patterns you've identified and asking why the habit exists. Reflection allows you to pinpoint what need your habit is fulfilling and whether it’s in line with your values or goals.

Why it Matters:
Many bad habits serve an emotional purpose. Without identifying and addressing that emotional attachment, the habit loop will continue. Reflection helps you understand the deeper cause behind your actions, empowering you to interrupt the cycle.

How to Reflect:

1. Ask yourself ‘Why?’ – Why am I doing this? Why do I feel the need to engage in this habit? (Example: “Why do I grab my phone when I feel bored?”)

2. Look for emotional patterns. Are there recurring emotions (like anxiety or frustration) tied to your bad habits?

3. Review your habit tracker. Look at what you’ve recorded and identify any themes. Are certain habits happening at specific times or under particular conditions?

4. Journal your reflections. Write down your thoughts about what emotional need or belief is being fulfilled by the habit.

Example:
You reflect that the reason you reach for your phone in the morning is because the dopamine hit from social media makes you feel temporarily productive, even though it ultimately leads to procrastination.

Step 3: Refine

Now that you’ve recognized and reflected on your habits, it’s time to refine your behavior by putting your discoveries into action. This step is all about replacing negative habits with healthier ones and using strategies that align with your goals.

Why it Matters:
Replacing bad habits with new, positive ones is essential to breaking old patterns. This requires conscious effort, especially at the beginning, as your brain needs time to rewire itself. Refining your behavior helps you shift from acting on autopilot to making intentional choices that support your long-term goals.

How to Refine:

1. Find a healthy alternative. Choose a positive behavior to replace the bad habit. (Example: Instead of grabbing a donut when stressed, play your favorite song and dance for five minutes.)

2. Redirect your energy intentionally. When you feel tempted to engage in the old habit, pause, take 6 deep breaths, and consciously choose the new action.

3. Affirm your intentions out loud. Remind yourself of your goals for the day. (Example: "I am focused and productive today. I will complete my work before I scroll through my phone.")

4. Make small, gradual shifts. Building new habits takes time—don’t try to overhaul everything at once. Start small, and be consistent in your new routines.

Example:
When you notice the urge to scroll your phone instead of working, stop, take a few deep breaths, and say: “My intention today is to stay productive.” Then, redirect your energy by starting with a small task like organizing your desk or putting on some energizing music to get you moving.

Atomic Habits by James Clear has many theories on how to create habits.

One of them is the habit loop (below)

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Affirming Intentions & Handling Cognitive Dissonance

Changing habits involves overcoming cognitive dissonance—the mental discomfort that arises when your actions don’t align with your goals. When you say you want to get healthier but keep indulging in old habits (like eating junk food or procrastinating), you experience inner conflict.

To reduce cognitive dissonance:

• Affirm your goals out loud each day. Reminding yourself of your intentions helps you stay aligned with your desired outcomes.

• Anchor your new habits to your values. For example, if you want to quit smoking, connect it to your identity: “I am someone who values my health and takes care of my body.”

Bad Habits You Might Work to Change

• Checking your phone first thing in the morning.

• Not drinking enough water throughout the day.

• Procrastinating important tasks.

• Eating comfort foods to cope with emotions.

• Smoking or other harmful coping behaviors.

• Neglecting daily movement or exercise.

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Now that you’ve recognized and affirmed your habits, take control over what your daily habits could be. 

Following Atomic Habits by James Clear, you can learn how to work the 1% better a day curve. Here Clear refers to adding to your daily habits just by 1% a day, then after a year you’ll be 365% better than you were a year before. 

The point is learning how to have self-control through a systematic process that actually WORKS. The process that Clear describes is adding one small habit after the other. For example, if your goal is to read one book a week, what would your process for that look like? What’s keeping you accountable or helping your process? Adding the small movement of putting your book on your bed pillow to remind you to read, will tremendously increase your reading time. 

For myself, I really noticed my habits evolving when I was able to fall asleep at night feeling complete. I always felt that I was going to bed with so many tasks not completed. Once I began my habit journey, my nightly routine feels like no big deal. I have the room and freedom to enjoy my self-care as if it’s who I am. 

When it comes to habits, there are many you can add to your daily life. 

Example: I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about how tedious it is to make your bed everyday. “I just don’t see the point, I’m going to mess it up tonight.” As I explained to her, it’s not the point the bed is made, it’s what the bed represents. Routine. Accountability. Room for other habits to evolve. Wanting to read more often? Why not make your bed, then set your book on your pillow. Your room will look tidy AND you’ll have a reminder to read before bed. Suddenly you’ve added two new routines to your life that set you up for success in the morning and evening.

Closing Thoughts: The Power of Small, Consistent Change

The 3-R’s—Recognize, Reflect, and Refine—are powerful tools for self-healing. They help you break free from destructive habits by fostering self-awareness, emotional understanding, and intentional action. Remember, change is a process, not an overnight event. Small, consistent actions lead to lasting transformation.

Each time you catch yourself falling back into an old pattern, pause, breathe, and redirect your energy toward your new habits. Celebrate your progress along the way, and give yourself grace during setbacks. Over time, your new habits will become second nature, supporting you on your journey toward personal growth, healing, and well-being.

So, habit resilience can be looked at as the “capability to recover good habits after failures or difficulties.” 

 My biggest message to you about how to build habit resilience, it just takes time. Give yourself time to build those habits you find you NEED in life to be successful. And truly give yourself the love, patience and time you need to get going! 

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Resources

• Atomic Habits James Clear

• The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up Marie Kondo

• The Psychology of Money Morgan Housel

• Smart Women Finish Rich David Bach

• Quit Like a Woman Holly Whitaker

• Mistakes Were Made (but not by me) Carol Tavris & Elliot Aronson

• Good Vibes Good Life Vex King

• Stop Self-Sabotage Jody Ho, PhD

• Get Out of Your Own Way - Philip Goldberg and Mark Goulston, MD

• Get Past Your Past - Jason VanRuler, Bob Goff