Flirt with Your Ego
Who discovered self or ego?
The most popular psychologist of ego is Sigmund Freud. Freud believed that the stronger the sense of self, the better the capability to communicate needs and limits that society puts on us. This allows for one to live their life to the fullest.
Freud believed that it takes commitment, time, and willingness to go deep. The most important aspect of his research is the id, the ego, and the superego.
The id is the only one present at birth as it requires our basic needs to be met, until we grow a consciousness. Also contains the desires and compulsive behaviors such as libido. This helps us from survival mode to examining art. Freud explained it as “if it feels good do it” with no regard to reality. Lives completely in the subconscious.
The ego is the component of personality that lives in the conscious, preconscious, and unconscious mind that deals with everyday reality. It is influenced by the external world we live in. It’s the decision-making component of our personality. Only when we are able to have self-control is when we reach the master of ego. Freud compares the id to a horse and the ego to a rider. The rider has to have great strength compared to the horse to be in control. Usually when people are raised in chaotic situations, this leaves the ego fragile or broken, allowing id to have all of its desires.
Superego is where our moral standards and ideals provide guidelines for our behaviors (aka values and beliefs). This phase develops around 3-5 years old. The superego is a part of the unconscious that is the voice of conscience (doing what is right) and the source of self-criticism. This is our inner voice or our consciousness. “Are you my conscious?” So if the ego allows for the id to break through, it’s our superego that shames us for giving into desire. We use this part of our ego to determine how we should treat others and create a picture of our ideal self.
What is Ego Work?
Ego work, also known as ego development, refers to the process of understanding and working with one's ego in order to achieve personal growth and self-awareness. The ego is the conscious part of our psyche that is responsible for our sense of identity, self-esteem, and self-preservation.
Ego work involves examining our thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors to identify how our ego is influencing our perceptions and actions. This can include examining our biases, insecurities, and patterns of thought and behavior that may be limiting our personal growth.
The goal of ego work is to develop a more mature and integrated ego, one that is more resilient, flexible, and able to adapt to changing circumstances. This can involve learning to balance our own needs with the needs of others, developing a greater sense of empathy and compassion, and recognizing our own limitations and strengths.
Ego work can be done through various practices such as mindfulness, self-reflection, therapy, and meditation. By working with our ego in a constructive and mindful way, we can achieve greater self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and personal growth.
Flirting with Ego
Here's an exercise on communicating with your ego through self-talk and flirting:
Begin by addressing your ego directly. Say something like, "Hey ego, I see you there." maybe add a little internal wink.
Start with positive self-talk. Give yourself a compliment or two. For example, you might say, "You know, ego, I'm really proud of the progress we've made on that project at work." Another one of my favorites is, “Wow you must really love me if you’re saying these things to protect me.”
Move on to something you're struggling with. For example, you might say, "But I'm feeling a bit unsure about how to proceed with the next phase of the project. What do you think, ego?"
Listen to what your ego has to say. Imagine that it's a separate entity, and that it's flirting with you as though it were another person.
Use flirtatious language to make your ego feel good and vice versa. For example, you might say, "Well, ego, you always seem to have the answers. I'm sure you'll come up with a brilliant solution."
Keep the conversation going for as long as you like. Try to maintain a positive, playful tone throughout. Use flirting as a way to boost your ego and encourage it to help you find solutions to any problems you're facing rather than letting it control the narrative.
When you're ready to end the conversation, thank your ego for its input. Say something like, "Thanks for the chat, ego. I always appreciate talking to you." *internal wink*
Take a few more deep breaths and then return to your day, feeling more confident and empowered thanks to your conversation with your ego.
While our ego can sometimes get a bad reputation for being self-centered and causing conflict in our lives, it can also be useful in certain situations. Here are a few examples:
Self-confidence: Our ego can help us feel confident and self-assured in our abilities. When we believe in ourselves, we are more likely to take risks and pursue our goals, even when faced with obstacles.
Setting boundaries: Our ego can help us establish and maintain healthy boundaries in our relationships with others. By recognizing our own needs and asserting them when necessary, we can avoid being taken advantage of or mistreated by others.
Overcoming challenges: Our ego can motivate us to overcome challenges and obstacles that we face in our lives. By believing in ourselves and our ability to persevere, we can push through difficult times and emerge stronger on the other side.
Creative expression: Our ego can inspire us to express ourselves creatively and pursue our passions. When we feel confident in our abilities and trust our own judgment, we are more likely to take risks and pursue creative endeavors that bring us joy.
Goal-setting: Our ego can help us set and achieve our goals by providing us with a sense of purpose and direction. When we have a clear vision of what we want to accomplish, our ego can help us stay focused and motivated, even when the going gets tough.
Overall, our ego can be a valuable tool in helping us navigate the challenges and opportunities that life presents us with. By recognizing its positive qualities and using it in constructive ways, we can harness the power of our ego to live our best lives.
