Ep 6: 30-by-30 series part 2
Welcome to this week's episode of Self-Talk. Where I discuss all things self-improvement and self-help for your self-healing journey.
On this episode, I'll be continuing a series on 30 by 30. This list was grown through my own collective of advice through experiences and/or research.
It could be something that I had to let myself live and learn to quote that stuck with me throughout the years. This list is something I worked on for a long while as it was hard to dwindle down the vast amount of information I found extremely valuable for a list like this.
I even reached out to women around me asking “if they had any advice for 20 year old them, what would it be”.
I was really excited to do this series as I just turned 30 in November. I’ve learned so much about myself throughout the last few years, that I can’t wait to share with you guys what I learned and how you can use it for yourself.
But first I want to talk about an experience I had this week:
Rock climbing with a friend that I see often, but not without our other halves, and how I asked at dinner before “so when was the last time I saw you”. Because friendships like this, you know, chill ones that you see once every 2 months, just spend the time catching up when you finally do. But they are equally as important as the ones that you see as often.
As we grow up we forget to do things that scare us. Excite us even. And having those friendships to do things with, because let’s be honest none of us want to try new things alone, makes our bonds better, and the support throughout our lives stronger.
Sent saw this video this week about how women have another nervous system response other than what we readily hear which are fight, flight, fawn and freeze. Apparently, when women feel stress, not only do we have the ability to have a regular response, but we also have a tend-or-befriend response. This means we either tend to those who need us to take care of them. Really throw our energy into that or we run to our female community that way that we used to gather for food. It’s a response that our female friendships literally lower our cortisol levels.
This is why girl friends are so important.
Also, this research is NOT new. I found articles going back to 2000 explaining why women did this back in prehistoric times: Shelley E. Taylor et. al. Biobehavioral Responses to Stress in Females: Tend-and-Befriend, Not Fight-or-Flight (2000)
Which is also why author Zoe Chance, also teacher, researcher, and climate philanthropist, in her book Influence is Your Superpower, suggests that when we are rejected it’s a primal instinct that we will die. Because our need for community and connection is detrimental to our species survival for thousands of years.
Last episode in the series I read the first five which means I’ll be doing the next 5 episodes.
The last 5 from the 30-by-30 series:
Everything is Temporary
If it doesn’t affect your relationship with that person, it shouldn’t affect you
“Everything you want is on the other side of fear” George Addair, The Sovereignty of God
Learn to accept that 2 things can be true at once
“Don’t stress the small stuff - It’s all small stuff”
self-healing
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self-healing 〰️
30-by-30 series pt 2
Read
Find time to read. I don’t care what it is you are reading, just be sure to set time for yourself to read.
Not only does it increase your brainpower and intelligence, it can make you more empathetic, can help you relax, and even help you fight alzheimers. I didn’t pull this information out of thin air, it came straight from the Fischers Center for Alzheimer's Research Foundation They say that reading can decrease your chance by 32% for mental decline.
As the most famous doctor once said, “The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.” Dr. Seuss (American children’s author, political cartoonist, illustrator, poet, animator, and filmmaker) that is.
“Think before you speak. Read before you think.” — Fran Lebowitz, American author and speaker
Don’t feed your problems with thoughts, starve them with action.
“Negative emotions are a call to action” - Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck Mark Manson
Love this because if we are feeling bad, it means that something could be wrong in our life and our nervous system is trying to tell us.
It means that we need to change or adjust some part of our life to center ourselves. The same way we would if we were being chased by dinosaurs.
It’s taken me like 3 years to allow myself to do what my body and mind are telling me. When you’re anxious, instead of escaping or going down the rabbit hole of hypotheticals, act on what you know my body needs in this moment.
Which for me typically is yoga. I put on my favorite instrumental and allow my breathe to move my body.
Invest in your health, wealth, and time
Whether that’s in your health, wealth, or time.
If you are 22 years old listening to this and you have no idea where to get started, start with something like Acorns. Not a plug, but it works like a change jar for your bank account and gets you thinking about how your money can make money for you.
Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel, a book about individuals’ behavior can dictate more about their money decisions than what they know about money through real life examples. Here are a few things to take from the book when it comes to money:
Less ego, more wealth
Manage your money in a way that helps you sleep at night
If you want to do better as an investor, the single most powerful thing you can do is increase your time horizon. Think long term, not short term.
Because OK with a lot of things going wrong. You can be wrong half the time and still make a fortune.
Define the cost of success and be ready to pay it
Health is wealth - your physical and mental well being are far more important than your financial well-being in the grand scheme of things.
I’ve heard many versions of how to bring wealth through health.
One example is through manifesting through your kitchen. Feng shui, your kitchen is the primary place where you manifest wealth, money, and opportunities for wealth. This means having certain appliances, keeping fresh food in the fridge, or getting rid of chipped or broken serveware.
Dorito Theory
Picture this. You are going out to eat. Not at any restaurant, but at a place that you’ve done research on. You’ve read through reviews. You’ve compared menu items. You know exactly what starter, dinner, and even dessert. How satisfying is that experience for you? Is it because of how nutritious the meal was or because of how much work, effort, and anticipation you put into it?
Now imagine you got home from a pretty normal day. You’re feeling snaky so you open the pantry. And there is the pile of bananas you bought when you were feeling heathy, or the bag of Doritos that you bought when you weren’t. In this hypothetical, you grab the Doritos then mindlessly eat the rest of the bag while you watch your normal binge worthy show. How satisfying was that experience for you?
When comparing these two situations:
Is it because of how nutritious the meal was or because of how much work, effort, and anticipation you put into it?
Were the Doritos as lasting satisfying as the planned out 3-course meal?
In this viral TikTok video, she explains what is called the Dorito Theory. In short she says: "Experiences that aren't truly satisfying are maximally addictive." This may apply beyond potato chips to other habits in your life, like the infinite scroll on TikTok, or even something as serious as toxic relationship patterns.
Instant gratification isn’t enough to sustain us. We need to find what does sustain us
If it’s what you’re meant to do, you should try
This is one of the most recent ones that I’ve been learning.
We can get so wrapped up in our daily life of what it should be or where we should be, we forget to ask ourselves if it’s what we’re meant to do.
I first hear this in the Ted Lasso episode where he's looking at a Van Gough piece in a museum in Amsterdam. This moment came to me like a sign from the universe. I had been saying this silently to myself for days. It's been a year since the episode came out and here I am, still whispering it to myself.
We then make up excuses on why we can’t do it or shouldn’t do it.
“The words “can’t” or “should” are actually just excuses leaving my lips causing me to prolong my purpose.” Radical Confidence by Lisa Bilyeu
Sometimes I forget not everyone dreams of being on a stage commanding the attention of the room to hear you speak. But I do. I believe it’s what i’m meant to do. To teach. To lead. To research. I believe that it’s what I’m meant to do, so here I am, trying. I’d rather look back on life and be proud I tried and failed at it, than to never have tried at all.
Be new to the space. Allow the space time to open up. Allow what flows into it. Allow what flows out.
If it’s what you’re meant to do, you can’t fail. I think that people who talk about regrets it’s always NOT trying something it’s rarely the things that they succeeded or failed at. No, they list the things they never dared to allow themselves to try. To get past the fear. Even the fear of what if it all works out.
