Ep 5: Beginning a Self-Healing Journey

There’s really no perfect way to start. You really just start. You make the decision to want to be better. You make the decision to start showing up for yourself.

I’m a girly with some childhood trauma, really who isn’t, and I can tell you that this journey over the past 3 years has been amazing. I find myself wanting to heal more. Wanting to dive deeper into the depths of the missing aspects of my childhood. I keep questioning my parents on things like “is this how this happened” or “what was that like for you”

I’ve found that starting this journey for me was about questioning the reality I was living in. questioning if that’s the life I wanted to be living. If I wanted to achieve my goals, what was going to help me get there?

Then I needed assistance in finding the right tools. What works for me? What doesn’t work for me? Why go through so many different aspects? This industry has to waste time and money. But that’s the journey right? Falling in love with the process is really what the journey is. Learning to get out of the state of fight or flight. Really diving into what you enjoy and not what you think others want you to enjoy.

This is the time to venture out and see who you really are.

As I said earlier, there really isn’t a specific so many steps plan that can help you get your self-healing or get your life together journey started. The important thing is finding what works for you.

What is Self-Healing?

So we’re talking about self healing. What exactly does this mean?

Merriam-Webster says it’s “the act or process of healing oneself or itself”.

National Library of Medicine: Self-healing refers to the dynamic equilibrium within the body and extends into the realm of mental health (Thomson, 1914). This intrinsic capacity for self-healing can be improved through behavioral medical approaches, such as hypnosis, biofeedback, exercise, relaxation, imagery, stress regulation, mindfulness practices and nutrition, and a healthy lifestyle (Charlson et al., 2014; Esch, 2020; Loizzo et al., 2009; Offidani et al., 2017; World Health Organization [WHO], 2015).

Wikipedia: Self-healing refers to the process of recovery (generally from psychological disturbances, trauma, etc.), motivated by and directed by the patient, guided often only by instinct.

I want to put focus on the Cambridge Dictionary’s definition of self-healing for purposes of my research and journey: “able to become healthy or complete again, especially after injury or damage”

The simplicity of this definition is how I feel the actual healing process is. Healthy and complete again after injury or damage. Usually when we hear these words we think physically. The broken arm you got when falling off the monkey bars. Or a cut from making your family dinner. You bandage the wound and move on.

This can happen with our mental and emotional health as well.

We get our feelings hurt, avoid the feeling because it brings up more than just the interaction there. Or we mentally can’t handle what is going on in our lives so we turn to binge watching shows to distract us from the now.

This is not allowing us to become healthy and/or complete again.

In the context of the self-help industry, self-healing refers to the process of individuals taking proactive steps to address and overcome personal challenges, emotional wounds, and obstacles in order to achieve a state of well-being and personal growth.

The concept is rooted in the idea that individuals have the power to positively influence their mental, emotional, and physical health through intentional and self-directed efforts.

Here are key elements associated with self-healing in the self-help industry:

Personal Empowerment:

Self-healing emphasizes the empowerment of individuals to take control of their own well-being. It encourages a proactive and self-directed approach to addressing challenges rather than relying solely on external sources.

Mind-Body Connection:

Many self-help approaches acknowledge the interconnectedness of the mind and body. Practices such as mindfulness, meditation, and holistic health are often incorporated to promote overall well-being.

Emotional Intelligence:

Self-healing often involves developing emotional intelligence — the ability to recognize, understand, and manage one's own emotions. This includes addressing past traumas, managing stress, and fostering resilience.

Positive Thinking and Affirmations:

Positive thinking and affirmations play a significant role in self-healing. The idea is that cultivating a positive mindset can have a transformative effect on one's emotional and mental state.

Self-Reflection:

Self-help practices often emphasize the importance of self-reflection. This involves examining one's thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors to gain insight into patterns that may contribute to challenges or hinder personal growth.

Holistic Approaches:

Holistic approaches to self-healing consider the person as a whole, addressing physical, mental, and emotional aspects. This may involve a combination of lifestyle changes, dietary adjustments, and mental health practices.

Goal Setting and Personal Development:

Setting meaningful goals and focusing on personal development are key components of self-healing. This involves identifying areas for improvement, creating action plans, and measuring progress over time.

Therapeutic Techniques:

Many self-help resources incorporate therapeutic techniques, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR), or other evidence-based practices that individuals can apply independently.

Community and Support:

The self-help industry often emphasizes the importance of community and support networks. Connecting with like-minded individuals or seeking guidance from mentors and coaches can provide encouragement and motivation.

Continuous Learning:

Self-healing is seen as an ongoing journey of self-discovery and personal growth. The pursuit of knowledge, self-awareness, and continuous learning is often encouraged.

It’s important to note that while the self-help industry offers valuable resources and tools, individuals should approach self-healing with a critical mindset. What works for one person may not work for another, and professional guidance may be necessary in certain situations. Additionally, self-healing is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological care when needed.

Here are 5 things that worked for me.

Make a routine for yourself

I do not care what the routine is. Whether it's a morning one, a night one, or a skincare routine, it does not matter. But get in the habit of habit building. As our great researcher and author James Clear once said, “1% better everyday is better than nothing.”
I also believe this helps us gain the confidence to expand ourselves like we never knew we could.

Start journaling

Journaling is the staple in self-healing. I think that journaling allows us to look inward, dive deep, and become more self-aware around our choices and actions. Also, it gives us the space to feel and work through problems instead of dragging others into them. It gives us autonomy over our life in a way we may not have thought we could before.
Try making journaling fun with colorful aspects or add it to the set routine. There are so many types of journals out there that you don’t have to start with in depth sharing all your thoughts and feelings. Even if adding a gratitude journal to your routine *cough cough number one cough cough* then you get in the habit of what journaling is meant to do. You can also find journaling prompts to help guide you through things. Ask yourself questions you’ve never considered. Or do a bullet journal to help keep track of your routines, books you read, or your mood for the day. Just get in the habit of assessing yourself through whatever means suit you.

Expand your knowledge

Listen, read, podcast, whatever you need to do to expand your knowledge. Personally I love reading and researching so my go to is self-help books, podcasts, TV specials, (shout out to Brene Brown’s special on HBO Max, Atlas of the Heart), TedTalks, whatever your thing is. Even if you’re reading fiction, it’s better than not reading at all. Expand your mind in ways that you may not have originally. Even if it’s not reading, try new hobbies.
Mike Boyd dedicated a year to learning 1 new hobby in depth for a month. He took a month to learn a new hobby or skill. As he took short periods of time everyday to learn it, it’s a good way to adjust yourself to adding new skills to expanding your knowledge. Which in turn, helps you with the next one.

Incorporate small healthier changes to your lifestyle

One of the biggest issues with the self-help industry is that people believe they have to make all the changes at once. And this is why New Year’s resolutions typically fail. Putting that much pressure on yourself to do it perfectly typically makes you not do it at all. So incorporating small healthier changes into your lifestyle allows for a shift in change and once you begin seeing those changes, you’ll continue wanting to change more.
Now I’m not saying it’s impossible to completely change your lifestyle overnight, however the reality is, this doesn’t work for everyone. If you’re here listening, you’ve probably already tried before, maybe even multiple times so you’re still trying to find what works for you.

Give yourself patience, time, and self-love

A motto of mine. it takes time to incorporate a new lifestyle unless you’re one of those people that self-discipline was ingrained into your being from the day you were born. We have lives outside of our healing process and this takes time to assess moments that might need more in depth reflection or patience with ourselves when we mess up. It’s not perfect, the healing process that is. But if you’re showing up every day doing the best you can with the tools you have, along with a lot of self-love, there is nothing that you cannot do.

Choose something from this list and actively implement at least one of them into your life. Typically, you’ll be able to see changes after a few weeks, if you keep it up. However don’t forget it’s about trial and error. You have to find what doesn’t work for you to find what does.

In this case, you find that it’s an ongoing journey.

The ongoingness of the journey

As the journey never truly ends, you have to fall in love with the process. The process of giving yourself what you need, what you want and desire. Putting others' feelings or judgements to the side to truly live your most fulfilled life.

It sounds like a lot. But it truly is a step by step process in overcoming your fears of what might or might not happen if you get what you want.

I want you to sit with yourself in this moment and truly sit in what you want your future to look like. What does it look like? Who is there? What does it FEEL like?

You’re able to see this future because it’s already yours. It’s manifesting itself as you sit there and revel in what it would feel like. YOU are the one that can make it happen. You are the one that can decide what you want it to look like. You may have to overcome so many obstacles to get there, but it’ll make it all worth it.

Look at where you’ve already been and gone through to get to where you are now. How amazing it must feel to be here after all that time thinking or feeling anxious about life or overwhelmed about the thought of it being forever.

If you think that the journey is like hoorah, I've done the steps 1-7 of self-healing that I googled and implemented. I should feel better right? WRONG. This journey is called a journey for a reason. A neverending healing journey as it were. Which is why you have to fall in love with the process as it never truly goes away. Also why you have to find what you enjoy and stick to it.

I once heard a video where the interviewer asked “what do you think the meaning of life is” while the interviewee spared no time in replying “enjoying the passage of time.” I’ve never resonated with something more deeply as all we have on this planet that truly matters is time.

Some of my favorite resources

To help save time, here are some of my favorite beginner resources when it comes to a self-healing journey. Including books, podcasts, and other things that can help you learn where to begin your journey.

Some of my favorite beginner books: