Ep 16: 30-by-30 series part 6

We’ll have our moment

If everyone in life around you are doing all of these things that you feel like you’re behind, whether that’s getting married, getting their dream jobs, traveling the world, etc. Outside of the fact that social media is a highlight wheel, remember what Winston said to Schmidt in New Girl Season 1 Episode 4: “We’ll have our moment”. 

For those who don’t know, it’s Winston coming back from overseas from playing basketball and trying to get back into the job scene. He’s on the struggle bus. Feeling defeated on what he should do with his life, Schmidt takes him outside of the house where Schmidt also realized his life is NOT where he’d like it to be.  Later, Winston comforts Schmidt in his room, he reminds Schmidt that their moments will come. They don't’ have to have it figured out right now. Of course Winston’s lesson if filled with nonsense that the moment could be having a cat that could play a keyboard or a bear falling on their hypothetical trampoline. 

BUT it is a subtle reminder that we all will have our moments at the right time for us. The universe will provide for us when we are ready for it. Until then we are learning and adjusting to get us ready for that moment. Whatever it may be for you. 

Do the 5-minute task

Don’t take months thinking about the task that needs to get done. Add the 5-minute task to your to-do list this week that has been cluttering your brain. 

Procrastination and the brain:

From my research and understanding of procrastination, is it’s actually our brain’s way of protecting us from something we see as threatening. When we realize what we need to get done, our amygdala will trigger a fear-like response causing us to fight-flight-or-freeze rather than do the task. 

Sometimes procrastination is literally our reaction to fear as a result of perfectionism, anxiety, or depression. In most cases, people who procrastinate actually care more and aren’t lazy, as the stereotype might suggest, their bodies are just unable to make themselves do what is needed. 

To better reduce this anxiety around the task, there are multiple ways you can do this. Breaking the task down into doable steps. Journal about WHY it’s stressing you out and address the underlying concerns. REmove distractions. And ultimately, self-compassion. Remember it’s a journey you learn to do better. 

For more on this:

Being a good partner is believing and accepting your partner's reality. All the time. It’s unconditional support as much as it’s unconditional love. 

There are things that I am learning not only as a partner of 4+ years, but now as a wife. This is that being a good partner means believing and accepting your partner’s reality is what unconditional love and support looks like. 

This also means that parts for their reality are yours. There are things I didn’t think I would compromise on until I met the person I was meant to be with. 

I feel like I'm typically a very high strung person, and always work to get what I want. But with this person I choose to be with, their reality means more to me than those around me. For example, our wedding.

I love attention. I wanted this fairytale moment of expressing our love to each other in front of every single person that knew us. But that was just not in the cards for my partner. He wanted to be small. He wanted to be intimate. Hell he would have taken courthouse tbh. 

But the compromise ended up being a small ceremony with our closest loved ones. And it was absolutely perfect. I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect day. I felt at peace. I felt loved. I saw my now husband go into our marriage with ease. Mind you, I think in the end, his reality became what I truly wanted (and needed) for that day to be as perfect as it was. 

Brene Brown on “did they do the best with the tools they were given”

Okay Brene Brown went hard with this one.

On her podcast Unlocking Us. She was talking with Ashley Brown Ruiz on what it means by “Living BIG” 

As Brown shares a story with us about a trying time she had with a roommate at speaking engagement, she precedes to share with us what her therapist asked about it. The therapist proceeds to lead her to question whether or not people are doing the best they can with the tools they were given. 

 I felt it at the right moment in my life. I needed to give some of those around me some grace because my inner angry teen was coming through. Because of this, I wasn’t able to sympathize or be super compassionate with them, and I didn’t like being like that. 

I truly don’t think these people were doing anything to purposely hurt me, even though their behaviors said otherwise, but in reality, I think they were just doing the best with the tools they were given. 

I could counter with, “well, where’s their want to find better tools or accept the tools that are being given” but it just unfortunately doesn’t work that way. 

But that’s not the way that the world works. Change is hard. Self-awareness is hard. Finding the tools to do better is hard. Wanting the change is HARD. then acting on it is harder. 

Point is, when you assume best intentions from people who are doing the best they can with the tools they were given, you’ll find yourself giving more grace, being more compassionate, and being less angry with the world. 

Listen to the full episode here: Brené Brown and Ashley Brown Ruiz on Living BIG, Part 1 of 2

Just because something could have been different, doesn’t mean it would have been better. 

So in the last episode of this podcast for the 30 by 30, I talked a lot about trauma and time. 

By looking back at things, you think about how things could have been different. What happened on the road NOT taken?

But sometimes you have to remember it doesn't mean they would have been better. When you’re set up for a decision and you could go either way, the best answer to any decision will always be whatever feels right in the moment. 

You’re sitting at your desk and think to yourself “is this really for me?” but you can’t guarantee the other route would have been better. 

There’s no point dwelling on the past if you can’t change it, don’t let it take up space in your mind. Accept it. And let it gooooo.

The universe works out the exact way it was supposed to. So if you want things to be different, work towards it. 

The best thing you can do, is set yourself up to know that you are making the right decision in the moment for yourself. That way you are staying true to yourself by leaning into your intuition.