Ep 4: Self-Awareness
“Discerning your authentic goals takes a bit of self-awareness and emotional intelligence.”
What is self-awareness?
Self-awareness is the ability to recognize and understand your own emotions, actions, and behaviors, as well as their potential impact on others. It's an important component of emotional intelligence, which helps us to better understand ourselves, our motivations, and our relationships. Self-awareness also involves being aware of our strengths and weaknesses, and having a clear understanding of what we are capable of. Developing self-awareness can help us to make better decisions, reduce stress, and become better communicators.
As defined by Alain Morin of Mount Royal University, self-awareness is “the capacity of becoming the object of one’s own attention”. During this cognitive process, the mind actively identifies and stores information on the self, or our intrapersonal process of concept of self. Through this process, we find ourselves creating observations as self-as-subject, versus self-as-object, which causes us to be more or less engaged in the experience we may be receiving (Morin, 2021).
Utilizing the self-as-subject type of self-awareness, as individuals we are able to experience sensations as they are happening, such as being completely present as if the moment is frozen within our bodies and minds. This type of self-awareness allows one to be completely absorbed in the atmosphere around them. Whereas the other type of self-awareness, self-as-object, refers to the “Me” of a situation or “...the totality of all content of consciousness that is experienced as self-related” (Wozniak, 2018, p. 3). For example, written self-reflection, such as journaling after the experience has happened to reflect on thoughts or feelings of the situation.
How does one develop self-awareness?
“Self-awareness is like an onion.” - Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson
Developing self-awareness can be a difficult process, but it is an important part of personal growth and development. The key to developing self-awareness is to learn to observe yourself objectively and honestly. Take the time to reflect on situations you've been in and how you reacted. Consider your values, beliefs, emotional reactions, and thought processes. Notice how you interact with others and how they respond to you. Pay attention to your body language and other nonverbal cues that you give off, as well as the messages you receive from the people around you. Ask yourself what you could do differently next time or how you can better manage your emotions or thoughts. You can also use mindfulness practices such as meditation or journaling to help you become more mindful and aware of yourself. Lastly, don't be afraid to ask for feedback from trusted friends or family members. With practice, you can become more in tune with yourself and learn to manage your emotions and reactions more effectively.
What are the 5 components of self-awareness?
Self-awareness is an important part of personal growth and development. The five components of self-awareness are self-concept (emotional awareness, self-reflection, self-knowledge, self-awareness of others, and self-acceptance), thoughts, feelings, body, and emotional awareness of self and others.
Self concept - Emotional awareness is the ability to identify and understand your own emotions and their triggers. Self-reflection is the practice of examining and understanding your own thoughts, motivations, and values. Self-knowledge involves understanding your strengths and weaknesses and how to use them to your advantage. Self-awareness of others is the ability to understand how others view you and how your actions affect them. Finally, self-acceptance is the practice of accepting yourself and your experiences as they are.
Self-Talk - Intrapersonal communication is a form of communication that takes place within oneself. This type of communication involves self-talk, reflection, and introspection. It is a way of understanding our thoughts, beliefs, values, and ideas by listening to our inner voice. Intrapersonal communication helps us develop self-awareness and understand our own motivations and behaviors. It also enables us to make decisions, solve problems, and plan our goals. For more check out Intrapersonal Communication →
Feelings - Feelings are an important part of the human experience. They are the way we interpret and experience the world around us. Becoming aware of our feelings can be a challenge, but there are several ways we can do this. Firstly, try to pause and take a few moments to check in with yourself. Notice how you're feeling in that moment. Secondly, practice mindfulness, which is the practice of focusing on the present moment. This can help you better recognize and process your emotions. Lastly, practice self-compassion. Talk to yourself with kindness and understanding and allow yourself to be vulnerable. This can help you understand and accept your feelings.
Body - Becoming aware within your body can be a powerful tool for self-exploration and growth. There are many ways to cultivate this awareness, such as mindful breathing, yoga, and meditation. By taking a few moments to focus on the physical sensations of your body, you can gently bring yourself into a state of mindful awareness. You can start by paying attention to your breath and any sensations that arise in different parts of your body. Notice any areas of tension, tightness, or discomfort and allow yourself to soften and relax into those areas. As you focus on the physical sensations of your body, you may also become aware of your emotions and thoughts. Allow yourself to observe these without judgment or attachment. This practice can help you become more connected to your true self and develop a better understanding of your physical and mental state.
“Conflict between surface thoughts and unconscious mental processes is certainly common. You may not yet be able to bring your unconscious mind activity into awareness as thoughts, but it will always be reflected in the body as an emotion, and of this you can become aware. ”
Emotional Regulation - Emotional regulation is the process of recognizing, understanding, and managing our own emotions. It involves recognizing the emotions we are feeling, understanding why we are feeling them, and then using strategies to manage or regulate our emotions in an appropriate and healthy way. This can include using coping skills, self-care techniques, or problem-solving skills to manage our feelings. Emotional regulation is an important part of emotional intelligence and can help us build resilience, increase our self-awareness, and improve our relationships.
JOIN THE COMMUNITY BELOW
How to use self-awareness within communicative situations
Understanding how to use self-awareness within communicative situations is important. As communicators, we must first learn how to reflect effectively to properly control our communication urges with others. Researchers Duvall and Wickland created objective self–awareness theory (OSA), which assumed that the placement of our consciousness was the entire essence of self-evaluation. This is referring to the ability we have to look inward as means of an objective observer (self-as-object).
When experiencing OSA, the researchers suggested that an individual had two choices, either continue the same as they would before or actively change behaviors, actions, or attitudes. As the theory has grown, it is shown that those who participated in self-focus have had an effect on their views as responsible in their daily lives, positively and negatively. This self-awareness allows our mind to direct its attention inward to focus on oneself. In doing so, our mind communicates these reflections through inner speech in verbal, nonverbal, and written means.
Which is why self-awareness is like an onion. Much like Shrek, it takes time and layers of questions and moments of self noticing.
Think of it like breaking a 4th wall. Anytime you adjust your thoughts into noticing a behavior, thought, or feeling, you are looking at it from the outside. It is not a part of you, but more of a moment that can be consciously observed.
Not saying he did it first, but most notoriously Deadpool would glance at the audience talking about how he’s aware what he’s doing is wrong for the right reasons. Another Marvel example, She-Hulk is famous for breaking the 4th wall many times throughout her series. This feels more like a diary than Deadpool’s. Here’s why: she directly shares how she’s feeling; she uses it as subject-as-self since she examines the situation from her perspective; and she even talks to the audience as if she’s working through the communication within herself.
In academia it’s been argued that within interpersonal interactions, most of the communication, verbal and nonverbal, are not conscious, such as memory searches, eye gaze control, and tone of voice. On the other hand, some have argued that the awareness of our habit formation in communication settings can create a low level conscious behavior. Using this awareness outside of the interaction, one can utilize consciousness to play a role in how they create their communication. A reason why journaling can be a great tool to break this subconscious behavior.
To expand on this, the negative effect (also known as negative bias or negativity dominance) examines our natural tendency for experiencing negative events and emotions more strongly than a positive one (Tierney & Baumeister, 2019). The ability to recognize when this negative effect is happening we are able to override our initial responses, break down destructive patterns, look to the future more effectively, and exploit the benefits of the bias itself (Tierney & Baumeister, 2019). These negative emotions are strong such as anxiety, depression, anger, fear, or even feelings of failure (Beck, 1976), but self-awareness through self-talk can create a stronger effect when communicating.
Eckhart Tolle writes in his book The Power of Now, “conflict between surface thoughts and unconscious mental processes is certainly common. You may not yet be able to bring your unconscious mind activity into awareness as thoughts, but it will always be reflected in the body as an emotion, and of this you can become aware.”
For example, as communication apprehension is one of the biggest fears for many people, it can help to use affirmations to calm one down before speaking (i.e. “I can do this” or “My speech will be great”). Or within an argument, to be present within the moment rather than getting lost in thought, one can create the ability to (i.e. telling oneself to be present in the moment or listen to what they have to say) to create better listening and communication skills through self-talk. Or when a manager is able to adjust behavior for each employee knowing they need different communicative strategies to connect with them such as positive reinforcement or critical feedback.
So, let's become more self-aware with journaling - here’s why.
Journaling is an excellent way to promote higher self-awareness because it allows you to connect with your feelings and thoughts on a deeper level. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you gain insight into your motivations, behaviors, and beliefs. Additionally, journaling can help you identify patterns in your emotions and reactions to certain situations, as well as give you a better understanding of yourself. By taking the time to write out your thoughts, you can better analyze them and gain a deeper understanding of yourself. This can lead to improved self-awareness and a better understanding of yourself and your reactions to the world around you.
I believe implementing narrative journaling within areas of study will promote emotional growth within one’s life. Here, the area of study is yourself. Narrative journaling is a journal writing technique that allows us to be reflective and make connections between our feelings and lived experiences. This cognitive process creates a connection through our own self-awareness of the experiences. This can be beneficial because it can stimulate our critical thinking, feedback about experiences, and promotes self-expression.
Here’s an exercise to try:
Let’s say you are having a negative emotional reaction to someone but catch it in real time due to your previous work. You take a grounding approach where you breath deeply into your belly as this stimulates the vagus nerve. This nerve is actually what triggers emotions through our body. The deeper we breathe, the more it stimulates the calming part of our vagus nerve. Do this about 5-6 times before reflecting on what was triggering you. In this part of self-awareness we are really working on finding where the source of emotional energy is sitting in our body. (Check out the links to see a chart for this in the show notes)
Then when it’s time to reflect, keep asking yourself why. Become the subject of your inquiry. If you were feeling anxious about someone asking you how your semester was going. Why? You find it’s because you’re ashamed it’s not going better. Why? Because you put a level of expectation on yourself to do better. Why? Because you value education and you’re not prioritizing your coursework. Why? …and so forth until you’ve reached an underlying issue on it. This is researching your soul for answers you may have never thought to ask before. Suddenly you become transported back to 6th grade when Greasy Greg made fun of you for getting an F on a paper. Not only is it helping you dive deep into your inner child, you are learning how to assess where those emotions are coming from to properly regulate them. Hello emotional intelligence.
If one is aware of their own ‘self’, verbal and nonverbal cues, and their own negative effects (ie. create combative self-talk in stressful situations), they will have increased control of their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors within interpersonal interactions allowing for clearer message creation and reception. This communicative control will increase their chances of developing the other aspects of their communication skills within emotional regulation, empathy, motivation, and social skills.
3 Key Resources to Improve Self-Awareness
Self-aware assessment
This self assessment quiz can help you find insight (pun intended) into who you are and how aware of yourself you are. It’s created and ran by the Eurich Group where founder Tasha Eurich specializes in organizational psychology. She teaches those in the industry to “thrive in an ever-changing world” as awareness is a huge part of this. Take the assessment here: INSIGHT by Tasha Eurich
Note: You will have to have a trusted friend to help fill out the assessment analyzing your awareness.
Books
Think Like A Monk by Jay Shetty (Beginner)
The Power of Now by Eckert Tolhart (Advanced)
Know Thyself by Stephen Fleming (Beginner)
You’re not Listening by Kate Murphy (Moderate)
The Power of Moments by Chip and Dan Heath (Moderate)
Why Has Nobody Told Me This by Dr. Julie Smith (Beginner)
Podcasts
The Self-Aware Millennial hosted by J. Mix
The Self-Awareness and Self-Compassion Podcast hosted by Blaze Schwaller
The Self Awareness Journey Podcast hosted by JJ Parker and Melissa Albers
The Highest Self Podcast with Sahara Rose
The Mel Robbins Podcast with Mel Robbins (Creator of the 5 Second Rule)
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
ReferencesBeck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders. International Universities Press.Manson, M. (2016). Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life. Harper. Morin, A. (2011). Self-awareness part 1: Definition, measure, effects, functions, and antecedents. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 5(10), 807–823. https://doi-org.cyrano.ucmo.edu/10.1111/j.1751-9004.2011.00387.x Rodsky, E. (2021). Find Your Unicorn Space: Reclaim Your Creative Life in a Too-Busy World. G.P Putnam’s SonsTierney, J., & Baumeister, R. F. (2019). The Power of Bad: How the Negativity Effect Rules Us and How We Can Rule It. Penguin Books.
