30 by 30 series part 1
Welcome to this week's episode of Self-Talk. Where I discuss all things self-improvement and self-help for your self-healing journey.
On today’s episode, I'll be starting a series on 30 by 30. This list was grown through my own collection of advice through experiences and research. It could be something that I had to let myself live and learn to quote that stuck with me throughout the years.
I even reached out to women around me asking “if they had any advice for 20 year old them, what would it be”.
I was really excited to do this series as I just turned 30 in November. I’ve learned so much about myself and life throughout the last few years, that I can’t wait to share with you guys what I learned and how you can use it for yourself.
Everything is temporary
When feeling overwhelmed or stressed, try to remember that this feeling is temporary.
Even emotions are temporary. According to Dr Jill Bolte Taylor (Author of My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey), a Harvard neuro-an-a-tomist, states that “When a person has a reaction to something in the environment, there’s a 90-second chemical process that happens in the body; after that, any remaining emotional response is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop.”
This is why creating presence in our bodies is so dang important.
Sometimes we haven’t pivoted enough in life to know that things can change in such a short amount of time. You need to embrace the feeling as it’s coming to you, but know that this isn’t your forever.
If it doesn’t affect your relationship with that person, it shouldn’t affect you
People have lives outside of us.
My sister and I shared this with each other the other day, and she argued that if it’s affecting you, it will most definitely affect the relationship. Here’s where it’s not a blanket statement that’ll work to every situation, but there are times that it could just be your trauma or past situations arising when in reality, if what the person is doing, is not affecting your two’s relationship, then it shouldn't affect you emotionally to where you feel you have a say. You have to allow people to have lives outside of us.
“Everything you want is on the other side of fear” George Addair, The Sovereignty of God
“Feed your fear a suck-it sandwich.” Jen Sincero, You Are a BadassI
We have to get through smaller moments of fear to eventually add up to the totality of what we’re trying to accomplish. For example, I will be on a Ted Talk stage someday, however being up there sounds absolutely terrifying at this moment. I’m not ready. I still have so much I have to contribute before I can get there. I have to get more comfortable being in front of my 20 person classroom before I try to speak to an auditorium full of people.
Sometimes we have to force ourselves through the small steps to get to the bigger goals we are working towards. We have to get over the small fear of posting on social media. Publishing the podcast. Going to a restaurant by yourself to prepare for a solo vacation to Mexico. We have to push through our anxiety by showing up in the face of it.
Get past the cringe
Push beyond your comfort zone
Some resources:
Do it Scared by Ruth Soukup - fear archetypes
Yubin Zhang Ted Talk - Life Begins at the End of Your Comfort Zone - “it’s never as scary as it looks”
Learn to accept that 2 things can be true at once
I heard this on a TikTok video, that two things can be true at once. With this, reminding myself that my childhood, although not always great, I still had amazing moments and things to be grateful for, but that doesn’t negate the trauma that also happened. The bad times were there but so was plenty of good.
I still got to enjoy the small things that child do like a silly mom who danced to her favorite tunes or riding my bike until the street lights came on. But it doesn’t negate the fact that there were dark moments of trauma that I still am in the process of reconciling today. Both these things can be true. I can be grateful for what I did have and be angry about the decisions my parents made that affected me.
Embrace the complexity.
Recognize that life and situations are often complex, and multiple factors can contribute to a single outcome. Embrace the idea that the truth is not always black and white but can exist in shades of gray.
Context Matters:
Recognize the importance of context in determining the validity of different truths. What might be true in one context or for one person may not hold true in another. Consider the specific circumstances that shape each truth.
Communication and Empathy:
When discussing conflicting truths with others, practice empathetic communication. Understand that people may have different perspectives based on their experiences and beliefs. Engage in constructive conversations to find common ground.
“Don’t stress the small stuff: it’s all small stuff”
There are things in life that may not seem big or of significant importance, but this small poster that I got at my 9th birthday at the roller rink has really stuck with me.
You see, I'm a child of divorce. So after the age of 8 it was just my mom and I for the most part. We dealt with moving from a house into a duplex. Then smaller problems like the fridge breaking down so all of our perishables were outside in a cooler with ice (thankfully this happened in the winter time). Small events like these always seemed to arise.
One thing my mom instilled during this time is that everything will be okay because none of this really matters. As long as we have love and kindness in our hearts, there wasn't anything we couldn't get through. Hence, the poster that everything is small stuff. In the grand scheme of things, a lot of problems will blow over with time and you will get through it.
So remember, not to stress the small stuff and that it is ALL small stuff.
Oh my favorite poster as a kid. If there was anything I wish I still had just because I feel like it got my mom and I through some shit, this was it. - It was like an inspirational poster that was sooooo silly. There's no reason other than that fact, that is stuck with me.
My mom would also say this to me a lot as a child. A reminder that the small stuff will pass. If there’s nothing you can do about it at the moment, dont’ stress. If it’s something as tiny as something you said one time to someone. Who cares. You say lots of things. And honestly, if they care that much, they’ll say something. And if not, that’s on them.
References
